(After having a convo with one of my guy college friend.. we talked about the ‘Prince’, and about ‘lovelovelove’)

People ask this.. expecting for an honest and reliable answer.

A lot of things happen to every individual. There are many untold stories behind their sweetest smiles that we may never know. Words aren’t always enough.

Naisip ko lang upon contemplating to myself, what exactly happened to me that made me lose trust to almost everyone around me? What made me doubt them after pulling up myself from time to time from bad thinking? And, all I can ever think of is what actually happened to me in the past. :( It still hurts so bad, realizing all those stuff. Trusting one person with almost your whole life, and all the secrets that lies within you, but.. *sigh* It just really makes me feel so sad. But hey no, I don’t blame ‘that’ guy, nor God for all of these. I am really glad it all happened. If it wasn’t because of that biggest heartbreak I ever had, I think I wouldn’t grow up even abit. Maybe it really happens in life. Nothing is certain, sabi nga ni guy friend. I am still moving on. Yep, moving on from the dark clouds I bumped into. I know I also had mistakes. And those mistakes? I definitely want to learn from it. I never want to go back in time and experience it again, and it’s like repeating history, eh? Pfft! I wanna make myself happy again. And I will definitely be the cheerful and bubbly lady I used to know. I know myself more than anyone could ever tell, the very reason why I know something’s not quite right. I definitely would find happiness again, even if it’s little by little. I wanna be the ME before. That lady who isn’t afraid of trusting people. That lady who would trust a stranger wholeheartedly, and isn’t afraid to get hurt. That lady who doesn’t doubt. I pray to God to give me more and more courage as the day goes by. I know that in order to be that lady I used to know before, I must first find happiness, appreciate all the good things around me, and learn to trust again. I know it may be a little bit hard, step by step. But I know I’ll be able to be like that again. It doesn’t matter how slow I move, as long as I’ll get to the finish line too! I just hope they wouldn’t take for granted the trust that I’ll be giving them. I hope they would understand the pain I have in my heart. And I hope I wouldn’t hurt them as well, (especially this one special person in my life right now) for protecting this complicated fear and feeling I have inside. I want to feel loved and understood again, no matter how crappy I could be, no matter how ballistic I could be, no matter how hard it is to understand my perplexities. Through that, I would feel that they still have faith in me, that they love me enough to not leave me, watch me rise using my bare feet every after how many times I would fall.. I don’t wanna feel ever alone again.

I WON’T GIVE UP. Some people whom I love would definitely give up on me too, one of this days. But for as long as I know God would never ever leave my side, that’s enough to go on. He always knows what’s best for me. I’m His Royal Princess!<3 I’ll trust Him with all my heart no matter how fragile this is, I will no matter how it could hurt me. Cuss I know one sweet day it’ll all makes sense to me, too. Just like what this major heartbreak brought me. I knew things I never expected to have known. And I had a better perspective in Life and oh, the labyrinth of Love. I am learning how to view love in different ways I never had before. Love really comes in many forms, all unfamiliar to me. But I am happy! Happy to have my Man with me now, and show me love in oh-so-many different ways, how to understand it bit by bit. I’ll figure this one out. Would never give up! I also pray love won’t give up on us. Lovelovelove. Aja baby! :)

de arimasu~

yanilavigne:

Photo by:  hellyeahjustlikethat

KEN<33

“magtiwala ka. at sguraduhin mong mpagkakatiwalaan sya”

Seriously, natameme ako dito. Pero ok na ko, I guess. Maybe I should really trust him more and trust myself too. :) Naalala ko tuloy sabi ng pinsan ko sakin nung isang araw. Ang pasaway ko talaga. Nangongolekta lang ng ‘tips for the day’ araw araw?? Haha. 

Iloveyou friends! Iloveyou most @brightprincess.<3 Lagi kang nandyan talaga pag kailangan kita e. Mapatama man ako o mali, lagi kang nakasuporta.. Suporta para sa pagpapalakas sa heart ko at sa pagtatama naman sa isip ko kapag may dark clouds. Arigatou my ololita! :”“> Mwaa!

(Warning: Read at your own risk! The following contains randomness and perplexing thoughts that the blogger actually have in mind.)

Some says I’m so carefree. Acts and talks the way like a cranky child does. I have lots of randomness, nuts, and all this ballistic thoughts. I overthink. And I guess I have become more of a realist rather than an optimist nor a pessimist. Why do people can’t get the thought of it? Oh c’mmon!

So, someone had this thought in mind with regards to things the blogger thinks as ‘perfection’, and goes something like this:

“It takes some time to achieve something. I think that’s the reason why it’s like that. Meron naman siguro. Lahat nagkakaiba sa level e, pero hindi naman siguro fiction. Maybe people shouldn’t be so perfectionist. Pag kasi naging ganun na, madalas nagfefail sa pag appreciate ng mga simpleng bagay sa paligid. People should respect, appreciate each other’s differences in order to be really happy. From there, I think dun magsisimula lahat?…”

And yes, I remember one time someone said something like this, “masyado ka kasing perfectionist, taas ng standards mo masyado” I think way back then, I’ve been being chased by this despicable thought. Parang masyado tayong naghahanap sa mga bagay bagay, wherein sa paghahanap natin dun we often neglect what we already have in our grasp. Oftentimes, we lose grip to what’s in our hands. Sad but true, people doesn’t really cherish what they have ‘til it’s gone.

I lost quite a lot of things I really treasure in my life back then. I know I am not perfect. Well, who the hell is? If not even God expects me to be perfect, why does everyone else?? I made a lot of things turned out to be not so pleasant cuss of my carefree ways, but for all those things, I set my heart on it. I think that’s what I love the most in myself— my courage. Ofcourse fear will always be bushing around at your tail, will hinder or stop you from doing a lot of things, but God has definitely given me this one thing I am truly proud of. I will be happy keeping this thoughts to myself cuss Idgasf what people might actually tell nor think of me. People judge so easily as if they know you a lot. They judge based on what you’ve done in the past, but have never really thought of the possibilities that you might actually became a better person afterall. :) This is a world wherein everyone will try to make you to be “somebody else”. I can be “anything”. But I will remain being MYSELF. I know people might hate me, they might not like me anymore, but Idc. They’ll just keep on hating anyway. People will also try to tell me things I need to do, that I need to be like this and that, not like this and that, etc. But the most important thing for me is to be ACCEPTED, UNDERSTOOD, and LOVED for simply who I am— nothing more, nothing less. I’ll change through my own realizations, my own experience, my own challenges. Never would I take commands from others. I am not a robot anyway. God is the only one I’ll keep looking up to no matter what.

P.S Finally done watching Autumn’s Concerto. Gained few lessons and wisdom again! Lies, love, happiness, truth, forgiveness, patience, Fate, time, friendship.. and above all, Family.<3 That’s another twisted taiwanese drama I’ve watched! Yay!

NEXT STOP? HAPPINESS!<3 :)